"The Hypothetical" Approach

As we approach Thanksgiving, we are delivering the fifth and final installment of conversation starters with our parents about their estate, and we do so via a What If angle:

“5. The "Hypothetical Scenario" Approach (The Problem-Solving Opener)

This is a good method for addressing long-term care or financial wishes by starting with a hypothetical situation rather than their current reality.

How to do it: Frame the discussion around a "what if" scenario that requires their input, focusing on quality of life and future planning.

Opening Lines:

"Mom and Dad, say in 10 or 15 years, you need a little more help with the house. What's your ideal scenario? Do you picture yourself staying here with in-home help, or would you prefer a retirement community? I know you have assets, but have you considered if your current savings are structured to support that choice? I'd love to know what's most important to you so we can help honor that vision."

The Goal: It addresses the "remaining years of their lives" topic directly by asking for their vision. This requires them to connect their wishes to their financial plan, and your job is to listen and support that vision.

Example: If they say, "The taxes on this place are ridiculous," just respond with: "I know, Mom and Dad. It's a lot to manage. Tell me more about what you're thinking about the house.""

The goal is to listen more than we talk. If our parents bring up a topic, even briefly or tangentially, we should not interrupt them with details or solutions, rather we can validate their feelings and encourage them to keep speaking. It’s how we learn. It’s how we foster connection and understanding during potentially difficult conversations. It’s how we can move our families, forward…